Going To The Chapel: Finding the right person to perform your marriage ceremony

by Mia Bolaris-Forget (Staff Writer)

So, you’ve found Mr. Right and in the quest for the ideal mate, half the battle is over. But with impeding parties, celebrations and nuptials, the other half (of the battle) has begun (or is just about to)

After wading through dozens of magazines (probably since you went to your prom), from what you are going to wear to where you’re going to honeymoon, you’ve probably envisioned this special day in your mind at least a million times, but how much though have you given to your officiant?

Your officiant, IS and SHOULD BE among one of the most important elements of your union and celebration. Not only will he/she be the one for making your union official but will also be representing YOU and perhaps your beliefs. Besides defining how he/she will orchestrate your event and set the tone for your ceremony and celebration you’ll want to ensure that he/she is legally qualified to marry you.

Start by examining yourself, what your wedding/marriage means to you, how you want to be represented and what message you are trying to convey. Discuss (with your partner/soon to be spouse) moral, ethical, spiritual, and religious components of your Big Day. Once you’ve reached a mutually acceptable conclusion you can begin to consider the various types of officiants and the impact they’ll have on your wedding.

Secular Officiants:

Justice of the Peace: A local elected official with the authority to witness legal documents, perform marriages, and implement some areas of local law. Whether you belong to a particular (religious) denomination or not, this individual is suitable for performing non-sectarian ceremonies. Remember, all that is required (even scriptural) for a marriage is two witnesses. However some may be concerned as to the officiants belief system and the implications on their faith. Outside of such concerns, you may obtain a list of contacts at the county clerk’s office where you’ll receive your marriage license. You can also refer to the local phone book, but experts advise getting a trustworthy reference to ensure the Justice of the Peace is qualified and that your marriage will be legal and recognized. Furthermore, if possible, they recommend conducing a meeting with the Justice of the Peace beforehand to get a better sense of their personality and the types of weddings they perform.

At City Hall: For quick and easy non-religious “ceremonies”. According to experts, finding an officiant to officiate over your marriage at City Hall is relatively easy. Getting married at City Hall ensures a legally recognized marriage without all the “expense”, pomp and circumstance and religious “rhetoric”

Friends and Family: A rapidly increasing trend, especially for less religiously “regimented” couples looking for incorporating a personal touch to their ceremony. Some states, including California allow for a friend or family member to obtain a one-day designation as Deputy Commissioner of Marriages, entitling him/her to perform your marriage. Other options include getting ordained via the Internet, but before you can take advantage of this option, you'll want to talk to your county clerk's office or Secretary of State's office to make sure that it is recognized in your state. Additionally, experts suggest ensuring that the person you are choose is trustworthy and understands the seriousness of his/her role and obligation. You wouldn’t want a drunken friend making inappropriate jokes or comments during one of the most important moments of your life.

Religious Officiants:

If you’re a follower of a particular faith and an established member of a congregation and house of worship, chances are your task is probably that much easier in terms of finding a spiritual officiant to host your ceremony? In fact, it’s more likely than not that you already know and like your spiritual leader. However wedding professionals recommend meeting with that person ahead of time to go over any questions you may have and discuss the important pertinents of your wedding, as well as to ensure that you (both) are comfortable with him/her.

If however you differ in religious beliefs or are from different denominational backgrounds, it’s suggested you first discuss which belief system suits your lifestyle, then meet with each spiritual leader individually, assess them fairly and make an informed decision. Some determining factors may include the ability to have your service performed in a secular setting, or the ability to write and recite your own vows. When choosing an officiant, especially within the parameters of your faith and beliefs, it’s important that they not only meet your spiritual criteria, but your personal principals and can deliver the type of wedding you’ve always dreamed of. Much like choosing your spouse get to know the person, and make sure you’re comfortable with him/her and their practices. The only way to do that is by asking lots of questions. Consider the following:

· Do you perform ceremonies in secular settings?

· Do both partners have to be of the same faith? Does the other need to convert?

· Can we customize our ceremony? Can we write our own vows? Can we recite our own vows?

· Will you officiate even if we are not currently part of your congregation and/or have not yet made a decision as to which congregation we’d like to belong to?

· Does a previous marriage/divorce pose a problem?

· Can we include non-religious friends and/or family in our ceremony, including readings, singing, or (if appropriate) handing out communion?

· What is the fee for your services? Will you attending and staying for the reception? Will your spouse be joining you?
· Are you willing to stay (for the reception) and say prayers before the main meal?

· Are all types of music (within limits) allowed in the house of worship or are we limited and to what?

· Are all types of music allowed at our reception, or are we limited and to what?

· Are we required to go through pre-marital counseling? For how long? Who with?

· Will you marry us if we are living together?

· Will you allow both parents t walk us down the aisle?

All these questions and more can be essentially instrumental in not only helping you select the ideal officiant for your wedding ceremony, but to coming to terms with some of your ideals, and beliefs, and making some profound lifelong and impacting decisions.